Dashboard Confessional
by Azareth Sakura
Summary: Lily Evans finds out more than she bargained for one night as she eavesdrops on a conversation between two unlikely people.


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Disclaimer: All I own is the plot.

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Dashboard Confessional  
By: Azareth Sakura

She remembered the exact moment on the exact day she had met him.

It was a lovely and warm spring day, and she had been sitting at the table in her backyard with her sisters, the three of them dressed in beautiful, matching white robes with pink hems. They had been the picture of innocence, having their pretend tea party with their two cousins when suddenly the adults had come outside, a little boy with unruly black hair and glasses in tow.

"Children," her mother began, "this is James Potter. Include him in your games, will you as we speak with his parents." Her gaze had immediately settled on him when he walked out. His eyes caught hers, and he smiled an adorably cheeky grin at her, perfectly innocent yet perfectly mischievous. At that moment, her childish infatuation first began.

The adults walked back inside the house, and an elf appeared, asking the Young Master Potter what he would have. In unison, her cousin, Sirius and this new boy, James replied, "Chocolate cake!" (for it was their favorite dessert), and what would be their lifelong friendship began. The two boys at first stared at each other in surprise before bursting out into loud laughter, "Come on," Sirius said to him, "let's go swimming." James nodded, and the two boys, with Sirius' younger brother, Regulus following, set off towards the impressive pool.

"Wait!" Shouted her oldest sister, Andromeda. The three boys turned. "What about our tea party?" She pouted prettily at them.

"Aww, come on. Who cares about a pretend tea party," Sirius had whined, "it's hot and I want to go swimming. James wants to go swimming to, right James?"

James grinned easily. "Why don't you come swimming with us?" He suggested. "We can finish your tea party after, if you'd like."

Andromeda mulled this over in her head before nodding her assent and leaping off her chair to join the boys.

"Oh, right," Sirius stopped suddenly and pointed to himself. "I'm Sirius Black," he stated proudly, "this is my brother, Regulus," he pointed to the younger boy, "and my cousins, Andromeda," point, "Bellatrix," point, and-

"I'm Narcissa," she interrupted, smiling shyly.

"James Potter." He took her hand and kissed it in a clumsy childish fashion, "Pleased to meet you."

And the butterflies had stayed with her since.

She remembered watching James and Sirius grow closer together, becoming less like friends and more like brothers. She remembered being alright with letting James pick Sirius over her because he was a boy, and boys at his age did not like girls like some girls fancied some boys.

She remembered anticipating each and every formal Pureblooded party and gathering, just so she could see him and enjoy his company.

Once, when she was nine, she remembered walking into her mother's sitting room where she was playing the harp for her father. Seeing her youngest daughter, her mother stopped playing, and her father looked up from his paper.

"What is it, Narcissa?" Her father asked kindly, for while he doted on all three of his beautiful daughters, Narcissa was easily his favorite.

She made sure the doors were closed as she walked closer to her parents. She sucked in her breath, and summoned her courage before announcing, "Mama, Papa, I want James Potter."

Whatever the two adults had been expecting, it was not that. Her mother and father exchanged a surprised glance before her mother nodded more to herself than to her husband. "It would be a smart match, wouldn't it, Dearest?" She mused aloud.

"Of course it would." He picked up Narcissa and sat her on his lap. She wrapped her arms around her father and he continued, "James is a fine boy, and will no doubt grow into a fine man worthy of our Narcissa. Send word to the Potters immediately!" He exclaimed.

Narcissa had been ecstatic that day as she kissed her father's cheek before shouting "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" At both her parents as she raced to tell her older sisters her good news.

Mrs. Black had sent word to the Potters that day, and to Narcissa's joy they agreed on the match. Life was so good, so _perfect_, Narcissa thought that night as she lay in bed. She fantasized about their future together, thinking about how happy the two would be.

Someone once said that good things never lasted.

Unfortunately for Narcissa, this appeared to be true.

It was after she started Hogwarts. At first it was little things, like the fact that she had been sorted into Slytherin while he was a Gryffindor. Or the fact that he was keener on playing pranks on the school with his friends, Sirius, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew than he was on spending time with her. Also, a couple of the boys in Slytherin, namely Lucius Malfoy and Serverus Snape were more often than not the victims of the Marauders' (for that was what they called themselves, an endearing name in Narcissa's opinion, and no doubt a product of James' clever mind) pranks and therefore disliked the boys, even though the two ring leaders were from prominent Pureblooded families.

Things got worse during third and fourth year, as James and the other Marauders noticed girls. Three out of the four boys were very handsome. Sirius was stunningly gorgeous, with his long dark hair leaning into his beautiful gray eyes, and Remus was handsome in a shy, studious fashion with his gentle smile and soft, sandy colored hair. But it was James who struck Narcissa's particular fancy.

She had loved that untamable, unruly black hair since the first time she'd set her eyes on it- it was one of the quirks that made James Potter James Potter. And she loved it. His glasses did nothing to hide his intoxicatingly enrapturing hazel eyes; they were truly the window to his soul. Her favorite feature about him, however, was his lopsided grin. Narcissa could not recall any period of time where James Potter could not break into his charming grin, for his mood was one of perpetual mirth.

Anyway, the three boys attracted many girls to them due to their looks and easygoing natures. Though Peter was not handsome, a few girls went after him too, simply because he was one of The Marauders.

Seeing James with one girl or another never failed to hurt Narcissa. He knew of their engagement, he _had_ to. She told herself over and over that he was simply looking around, experimenting with other girls, but when the time came, he would pick her and they would be happy together. Besides, he never failed to treat her with kindness every time their paths crossed. And he never failed to smile the smile she was besotted with whenever he saw her.

She never let go of this belief.

Not even at the end of fourth year when the business with Voldemort began to rise up. Her parents bought into his ideas, so did Sirius' parents. James', however, did not. This was not acceptable for Mr. and Mrs. Black, and they explained this to her when she had come home for her summer holidays. They told her that her engagement to James Potter was in effect, broken, and she would be betrothed instead to Lucius Malfoy. His family was on the right side, it seemed.

Narcissa had cried herself to sleep over this news for the first week of the holidays. She felt desolate and anguished, stuck in a state of seemingly never-ending melancholy and despair.

It was not until her aunt and uncle had come over weeks later, with Regulus in tow, complaining to her parents about how despicable Sirius had been recently— disagreeing with them over their views about Voldemort until finally they had a row too big, and Sirius left the house to live with the Potters.

Andromeda had taken on a face full of pity and sympathy for her younger cousin, for she too did not feel the same way as her parents did with Voldemort. But her time to rebel was not now; it would come later, when she fell in love with a muggle man.

Bellatrix had snorted in contempt, commenting on how much of an idiot Sirius was. She was a firm believer in the Dark Lord, and Narcissa knew she planned on offering him her services as soon as she graduated from Hogwarts.

As she with her sisters on the stairs eavesdropping on the conversation, she realized that she didn't care about what her parents thought. All that mattered to her was James and their future together. She knew that if Sirius could brave his parents, then she could too. Her mood was not as miserable after her aunt and uncle had left now that she had the knowledge that despite present setbacks, everything would turn out in the end.

Fifth year approached, and Narcissa was eager to return to Hogwarts to see James again, for she had seen dreadfully little of him over the summer, and at whatever functions both had attended she had not been allowed to speak to him, forced instead to consort with Lucius and her sisters.

James was still kind and happy, and Narcissa was blissful in her ignorance until that fateful day when she, along with most of the other students watched as he hung Serverus upside down in the air.

She had watched and laughed with the other students, pretending not to hear Lucius as he sneered and told her to "Come along, Narcissa, there is no need to watch Potter and those fools display their idiocy." She had watched in irritation as Lily Evans marched up to James and began to yell the most horrible of things at him. Narcissa had wanted to walk up to her and slap her across the face for the things she said about James. But he just laughed it off and told her he would let Serverus down if she agreed to go out with him.

Narcissa's heart plummeted to her stomach. This was just another one of his passing fancies, she repeated to herself, her face a mask of indifference, never betraying the hurt, betrayal, and turmoil she felt. All of those feelings fled briefly after James let Serverus down, the latter ready with his wand to curse James whose back had been turned to Serverus.

She had been so afraid for James then, because she knew just how much Serverus hated him. In her terror she whipped out her wand, and opened her mouth to shout his name, but her cousin had been faster than she. Over and over she thanked Merlin and Morgana that Sirius had been there, watching James' back.

But those feelings from before returned to her eventually, and they returned tenfold. As time went by, she watched as what she had originally thought to be one of James' regular transgressions blossom into something so much more than that. Anyone could see how much he really cared for the muggleborn witch who would never look at him with anything but disdain.

Narcissa watched as James changed for her, deflating his ego and becoming more responsible for his actions. And as much as it hurt her to admit it, she knew it was Lily Evans who had spurred this maturation in the boy she loved.

They were in their seventh year now.

Andromeda and Bellatrix had graduated already, both of them making good on their aforementioned destinies, and Narcissa's own graduation would be coming soon as the school year drew to a close. Her feelings were becoming too much to bear, and she knew she had to tell him.

Tonight. Tonight, she told herself, as she paced anxiously around the moonlit Astronomy Tower, where she was waiting for him. She had seen him reading her note over breakfast that morning, and she watched him carefully, noting that his smile as he surreptitiously nodded his assent to her request of a late night meeting. All day, he had been all she could think about. Finally, _finally_, everything could work out as she knew it should.

The loud noise of the door banging into the stone wall tore her from her thoughts as James entered the tower, slightly out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, "I was just finishing up my rounds." He smiled that smile, and the butterflies in her stomach began to flutter around inside. She subconsciously smiled back and walked over to him, grabbing his hand, leading him over to her favorite part of the tower, a sort of balcony where the view of the grounds was absolutely stunning.

James looked at Narcissa then at their entwined fingers before giving her a quizzical look. "You said you wanted to tell me something?" He prompted, slightly uncomfortable with their joined hands.

Nervously, Narcissa opened her mouth to speak, only to realize she didn't know what to say. She closed her mouth, closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply before softly saying, "I don't know how to begin all this, but I need to tell you this." James waited patiently for her to continue.

Neither of them had realized that when he entered, the door hadn't been shut all the way. While doing her rounds (separately from James this time, for he had told her he had an appointment he needed to keep so he'd check the Astronomy Tower and turn in afterwards while she patrolled the dungeons) Lily Evans realized that she wasn't in the slightest bit tired. Curious as to where James had gone (as well as slightly annoyed that he hadn't stayed to talk with her as they walked), she decided to double-check the tower in case James had used that as an excuse to go keep whatever "appointment" he had. Even if he had checked it, she was feeling something akin to insomnia, and patrolling the tower would give her something to do.

Lily smirked in satisfaction as she heard a loud noise come from the Astronomy Tower. Looks like James had skived off this particular duty, she noted to herself. Silently, she crept up the stairs and listened carefully as the voices grew louder. There was a soft, feminine voice that she could not recognize, followed by-

No, it couldn't be. Was that _James_? Lily's eyes widened as the girl confirmed her suspicions by calling him "James." Somewhat bitter at the knowledge that James had left her alone to consort with some other girl, Lily began to sneak back down the stairs, not quite having the heart to break in on their rendezvous. Perhaps it had not been a good idea to wait for James for so long.

He had stopped asking her out this year, and deflated his head, and slowly but surely Lily was falling hard for him. Tears started to form in her eyes as she realized she had lost him.

"I love you, James," Narcissa said. "I always have, since the first time your parents brought you over to my house."

"Narcissa, I-

Lily stopped in her descent. _Narcissa Black_ was the girl James picked over her? Narcissa _hated_ her! James was supposed to be madly in love with Lily (so he had claimed several times before) yet here he was choosing pretty much her opposite over her. Lily seethed a little inside, before climbing back up the stairs to listen.

"No, James, just listen to what I have to say," Narcissa asked, placing one of her fingers before James' lips to silence him. Lily's jealousy grew at the sight of Narcissa touching James, and at the sight of their entwined fingers.

"Remember how when we were little, you would always pick playing with Sirius over playing with me? Or how I never said anything about you dating other girls while we were engaged?"

Lily's eyes widened in shock. She never knew James and Narcissa had been engaged.

"No one ever knew because you wanted it to be a secret. And I was alright with it. And then after fourth year, when our parents broke the engagement because their views opposed— James, I never stopped loving you." She paused.

"I let you pick Sirius when we were little because I _knew_ that when we were older you'd grow out of it and need _me_ instead! And I've waited these past seven years at Hogwarts for you, James. I've seen you go around from girl to girl, and I said nothing, _nothing_! I wrote it off as a foolish fancy of yours, and let you get it out of your system so that when we finally settled down we would be happy together. I watched you fall for Evans, I watched you and at first I, like everyone else, thought it was merely a joke on your part, but I know you, James, I _know_ you. I know that your fancy has grown into love, and you try to show her all the time, but she refuses to even give you the time of day. She hasn't even realized that you changed, that you changed for _her_— Sweet Morgana, how much you've changed for her."

And it was true, James had changed significantly. He had stopped hexing students in the halls, took his Head Boy duties seriously, and even had a semblance of a truce with Snape. Well, it was more like the two ignored each other, preferring by far to glower at each other, only escalating to speech or magic if they were both particularly riled. But had James really changed just for her? Was she the only one who didn't know?

"And she'll never see you as anything other than the arrogant little prick she always tells you you are."

_That's not true!_ Lily wanted to cry out to the pair. James hadn't asked her out _once_ this year, how was she supposed to say yes if he had seemingly lost interest in her? Somewhere over the course of their last year together, she had gotten over her extreme dislike for the Head Boy and instead started to return his affections. James really wasn't a bad sort of fellow, she'd realized. He was charming, sweet, funny, intelligent, handsome- the list was never-ending. The thought of losing James to her nemesis, Narcissa, was almost unbearable.

"But, James, _I_ love you. I always have, since we were young, since I first met you I fancied you, and you know it. You know that if you asked me to, I would leave my parents and Bella, just like Sirius and Andromeda did, for you. We could be happy together, James," Narcissa cried, "please don't ask me to watch you pine over Evans anymore, James, I can't stand it anymore. You are all I ever wanted; can't that be enough for the both of us?" She asked, her eyes begging him to pick her.

"Narcissa," James began softly, unaware that the object of _his_ affections was raptly listening to this conversation as well. "Narcissa," he said again and sighed, taking her into his arms. Lily's stomach lurched.

"I'm sorry, Narcissa, but I don't feel the same." He said, a pained expression on his face. Lily knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help but feel hopeful after hearing his admission. Tears streamed down Narcissa's face as James continued to explain, "I love you too, Narcissa, but not in the same way. You're like a sister to me, please don't cry, Narcissa." He said gently, trying to wipe away the tears that kept flowing out of her beautiful gray-blue eyes.

"It's Evans, isn't it." Narcissa said bitterly, brokenly, quiet sobs wracking her small, thin frame.

James sighed again and closed his eyes, resting his chin atop her blonde hair. "Yeah." He said quietly. "It is."

Lily closed her eyes and exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she'd been keeping in. She knew that she should leave, this was a personal moment for the two of them and she had no business staying there to watch and listen. So, as silently as she had crept up the stairs, she walked down them and headed back to the Head Towers that she shared with James.

Narcissa and James sat there until the sun rose. She had cried herself to sleep in his arms, and he had fallen asleep wrapped around her as well. He kissed her forehead for the last time in his life as the two turned to go their separate ways to their respective common rooms, all hope Narcissa had for a happy future together leaving with him as she turned around to watch him walk away from her. Her heart broke anew as she too turned to go.

At breakfast that day, she watched as he stood up with the other Marauders, getting ready to leave the Great Hall when someone shouted at them to wait. She watched as Lily Evans ran from the other end of the Gryffindor table to where James stood before jumping into his arms where she wrapped her arms around his neck as he caught her mid leap. She watched as Lily kissed James then and there, in front of the entire stunned school. She watched James return the kiss with equal passion, until they broke for air. And then she watched him smile a new smile, a dazzling one that made most of the other girls in the Great Hall weak-kneed.

Three years later, she turned to face her distinguished guests and caught sight of someone's unruly black hair from the back of the seats. The guests came up to congratulate her one by one, and afterwards, she'd excused herself and went outside where she knew he would be.

"Be happy." He told her as he gave her a white rose. It was her favorite flower, and it had been astonishingly absent from her wedding bouquet at the behest of her mother and mother-in-law. White roses were appropriate for funerals, they chided her; red ones were for weddings.

But she knew she'd never be able to love Lucius. Not like she loved James.

Even still, she loved him, and that's why she nodded when he said, "Be happy." She repeated the same phrase to him later, at his own wedding, when he had seen her among the guests and come outside.

He nodded, and they went their separate ways once again, each to their own happily ever after.


End file.
